Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Who am I? Really, Am I that chick now?

I am in search of something.  I don't know what. Is it internal or external?  I don't know I am at a loss.  I am rebuilding my life as a single person and I don't know what the future holds and it frightens me.  Look at me, just writing, and not being afraid or overthinking it.  Anyway, I digress. I never thought I would ever say this but I am finding myself.  I have never lived alone. I have not been single in 25 plus years.  I don't know what the hell I am doing.  I am ready to live but I am just not sure how.  What do I want to do?  What do I like?  Who am I? (eye roll here)  Again, I never thought I would be the who am I person.  Do I want to be that woman that comes home from work makes herself a pasta dinner, pours a glass of wine and curls up with a good book?  Do a want to be the chick that comes home throws in a microwave dinner and plops in front of the TV?  Or, that girl with best friends in her apartment complex that she hangs out with every night?  I don't know!!

I know I want to be Happy.  I know I want be Healthy.  I want to be able to read a book or watch my favorite drama but I want to do it all without thinking I am doing this alone in this apartment.  It's getting a little easier to live alone.  I have furniture and things are coming together.  I actually love my apartment but I think I am still trying to get used to me.

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