I am in search of something. I don't know what. Is it internal or external? I don't know I am at a loss. I am rebuilding my life as a single person and I don't know what the future holds and it frightens me. Look at me, just writing, and not being afraid or overthinking it. Anyway, I digress. I never thought I would ever say this but I am finding myself. I have never lived alone. I have not been single in 25 plus years. I don't know what the hell I am doing. I am ready to live but I am just not sure how. What do I want to do? What do I like? Who am I? (eye roll here) Again, I never thought I would be the who am I person. Do I want to be that woman that comes home from work makes herself a pasta dinner, pours a glass of wine and curls up with a good book? Do a want to be the chick that comes home throws in a microwave dinner and plops in front of the TV? Or, that girl with best friends in her apartment complex that she hangs out with every night? I don't know!!
I know I want to be Happy. I know I want be Healthy. I want to be able to read a book or watch my favorite drama but I want to do it all without thinking I am doing this alone in this apartment. It's getting a little easier to live alone. I have furniture and things are coming together. I actually love my apartment but I think I am still trying to get used to me.